In this week’s Torah portion, Ki Teitzei, we encounter a rather unusual commandment: When a man gets married, he is exempt from military service for an entire year. The Torah explains that this time is set aside so that he can “bring joy to his wife.”
In modern language, I might understand this as a reminder that when we enter a new marriage or partnership, we should make time to delight in the person we love and in the life we are building together. There are always other things calling for our attention. The Torah tells us that, sometimes, the joy we create together deserves to take priority.
As someone who got married less than two weeks ago, this commandment has taken on new meaning for me. Shara and I had already been together for six years, yet somehow marriage feels different. I find myself feeling the absence of her more acutely when we’re apart. I want to spend time together. I want to make her happy. I want to celebrate this new chapter with her.
And it has gotten me thinking about the way we prioritize our lives.
We all have obligations. Work needs to get done. Errands need to be run. Emails need to be answered. There are always responsibilities waiting for us. And many of them are important. Yet sometimes the things that demand our attention most urgently can crowd out the things that give our lives the greatest sense of joy, grounding, contentment, and fulfillment.
We tell ourselves we’ll make time for those things later. Later, when work slows down. Later, when the kids are older. Later, when the house is in order. Later, when we have fewer things on our plate.
But what if “later” keeps getting pushed further away?
As we enter the month of Elul and begin preparing for the High Holidays, perhaps this is a moment to reconsider what deserves our time and attention. The work of these weeks is not simply to examine what we’ve done wrong or what we need to change. It is also an opportunity to remember what we treasure and ask whether our lives reflect those priorities.
My wedding blessing for all of us this season is that we make time for what brings us joy. That we give ourselves permission to delight in the people we love, to celebrate the relationships that sustain us, and to make space for the experiences that ground and fulfill us.
